All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
