I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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