the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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