i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
