Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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