Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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