I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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