the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
