I can text with my tongue
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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