I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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