New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
