you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
