Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
