Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
porn star boner night. come get it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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