"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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