I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
