I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
