Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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