I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
