Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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