he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
