Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
