She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
