Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
