Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
