planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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