operation harelip BJ is a go
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
