And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
where are my eyebrows?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
