I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
