He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
