You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
