someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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