At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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