you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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