Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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