I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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