my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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