Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
