I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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