Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
