Jerry, you need to find god
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
