no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
