how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I love you. Go after that dick
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
