I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
