can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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