no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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