so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
