PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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