I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
