Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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