why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
