you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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