so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
