Who wears a wallet chain?!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
