ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
