im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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