she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
