He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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