Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
