I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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