You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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