dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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