So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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