I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
