My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
