I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
