who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize