just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
