I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
