in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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