things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
