If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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